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Joke of the Day

"In space, nobody can hear you scream for ice cream. So remember, before trips to colonize the galaxy bring your Ben & Jerrys."

"deleted scenes are rarely worth the time but on Honey I Shrunk the Kids check out one where the dad thinks he's alone and starts jerking it"

"What do you get when you cross a lima bean with a Soviet? A Lenintil..."

"Rule of thumb: if the picture you took of someone doesn't look like the pictures they post of themselves, don't tag them!"

"Why does the new French navy have glass bottom ships? So they can see the old French navy."

"My cat died. Just kitten."

"I love how all the characters in kids shows are always SO thrilled while at work. Like Bob never gets pissed over a missing screwdriver."

"I told my wife we are all reincarnated, but MUST come back as a different creature. She said she wanted to come back as a cow..... .... then I said: ""You obviously haven't been listening""."

"If a guy wants to call a woman ugly online a window should pop up where he has to upload pictures of all the women he's slept with"

"A blonde asks her brunette friend... ... ""Didn't you get an HIV test last week?"" ""Yeah, it came back negative"" answered the brunette The blonde responds ""Maybe you should study next time"""