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Joke of the Day

"*stands up in the middle of a quiet library* FAKE NOODLES ARE CALLED IM-PASTAS"

"If sex is a pain in the ass then you are doing it wrong"

"[At auto store] Employee: How can we get you to walk out of here with 4 tires? ""Sir, you are wildly overestimating my strength."""

"The illegals protesting with Mexican flags, shouting ""Trump is not my President"" are telling the truth. Their president is Enrique Pena Nieto."

"When I count my blessings, I count you twice, subtract 4, multiply by 8, and divide by 15 because I don't know how math or blessings work."

"Why is an engaged girl like a telephone? Because they both have rings."

"Punny wednesday The phone rang 'green green' and so I pink up the phone. ""Yellow? Blue is this? Can you speak louder? I can't hear you purplerly, I'll call you black later."""

"What do you call promoting a broom to the highest rank in the military? A Sweeping Generalization."

"I'm creeped out by the Hamburger Helper glove. ""Hi, I'm a dismembered hand here to help out with dinner."" No thanks."

"A few Turks were discussing where to live Turk 1: Shall we live in the coup? Turk 2: err, dogan."