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Joke of the Day

"What I've said most in 2016 Table for 1 please"

"How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time."

"I recently learned my friend likes to be dominated by his girlfriend in bed. I wouldn't have pegged him for that."

"Some mornings I wake up bitchy... Other mornings I let her sleep."

"I want to die drunk and peacefully like my grandfather Not like his 6 other screaming passengers"

"*phone rings* Yoda: Yoda Luke: WTF VADER'S MY DAD? Y: Uh L: And you knew & told me to kill him? Y: L: Y: Going thru a tunnel I am *hangs up*"

"Did you hear about the new Vietnamese cookbook? It's called ""101 ways to wok your dog"""

"My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, it makes me cry."

"son, you don't need to close your eyes, it's just a movie. the killer from the movie can still get you even if you're not watching it"

"What's the best part of gay sex? The part where you ***don't get fucked in the ass***."