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Joke of the Day

"Q: How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb ? A: 50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him ."

"The worst kind of insomnia is snoring induced insomnia. That's when every time you start snoring your wife shoves you awake..."

"I'm no gynecologist but I know a c*nt when I see one."

"My urologist is weird. I peed in a cup. He drank it and said, ""You're fine."" Then he paid me. Don't choose a doctor from Craigslist."

"Phill: *gets stung by a stingray Me: *pees on his wound Phill: That only works on jellyfish stings Me: Oh shit, I thought you were dead!"

"Paraplegic Party you goin to the paraplegic party? I hear its gonna be crawling with pussy"

"""Jessica wasn't usually dead. So when we found her dead we immediately knew something was wrong."" -Investigation Discovery"

"What's the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue? You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna."

"Lies I tell at work: ~ I'm sorry I said that ~ I didn't mean to offend you ~ It won't happen again ~ Of course I don't think you're an idiot"

"What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina ? Only SOME of the things that come out of her vagina are retarded."