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Joke of the Day

"Why did the rabbit run out of the fast-food restaurant? He thought he heard someone order a quarter pounder on a toasted bunny."

"I came here to tell a gay joke... Butt fuck it."

"I ordered a book called ""How to relieve stress"" My goodness, for the life of me I really hope that it arrives on time. And that it's useful. And that the delivery man doesn't dislike me."

"I'm quite lazy, so I use my toes to pick things up from the ground... ...You could say my feet come pretty handy."

"Husband and wife near wishing well. Suddenly wife slips and fell in the well. Terrified husband: Noooooooooo...I can't believe it's working!"

"What do you call a cat that urinates in your shoes? Piss in boots Credit: My flatmate"

""" You drink too much milk."", said the doctor Your blood is now milk."

"I held the door open for a Japanese woman today and she said, ""sank you."" Pretty fucked up for her to bring up Pearl Harbor like that."

"[1st date] Me: ""So, what do you do?"" Her: ""I'm a Herpetologist."" Me: ""Great! [pulls pants down] How bad is this?"""

"Monday, you deplete me."