41279

Joke of the Day

"[1st date] Me: ""So, what do you do?"" Her: ""I'm a Herpetologist."" Me: ""Great! [pulls pants down] How bad is this?"""

"You can run but my rifle's got a scope."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? Nobody will pay money to watch a lentil."

"What did the gay horse say to the straight horse? Heeeeeeyyyyyy"

"What do you call gas from the human body that NASA could impliment into fuel for their technology in the future? Rocket Farts."

"I gave my 1yo a chocolate covered raisin. He chewed, paused, then gave me a look that told me he will never trust another human being again."

"Why don't dogs make good dancers ? Because they have two left feet !"

"What's the difference between a cry baby and Dallas Cowboys fans? Eventually the baby stops crying"

"Dog 1: Help me with this crossword clue. Outer covering of a tree. 4 letters. Dog 2: woof? Dog 1: You're not even trying."

"My penis is in the Guinness Book of World Records... ...I wonder how long I can keep it here until I got kicked out of the library."