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Joke of the Day

"I can turn wine into a one night stand. Your move Jesus."

"I had an artist put a tattoo of an asshole put over my asshole. That way I can say, ""Are you referring to me or my tattoo?"""

"There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Chuck Norris."

"The past, present, and future walks into a bar. It was tense."

"I'm tired of the Mexicans naming their sons Jesus Jesus was not a Mexican, he was a human being. (Please forgive me)"

"you knew the backstreet boys were actually friends because when the one boy asks if hes ""sexual"" the rest of the boys all agree that he is"

"I woke up this morning to find Gloria Gaynor at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid...I was petrified."

"I like to keep my collar popped. I ain't no collar back girl."

"Just settled a divorce over Parrot custody/visitation. Neither may teach it negative phrases abt the other. I went to law school for this."

"Clipity clop, BANG! Clipity clop, BANG! Clipity clop, BANG! Clipity clop, BANG! Clipity clop, BANG! -Amish drive by"