131270

Joke of the Day

"I can turn wine into a one night stand. Your move Jesus."

"Did you hear that Hillary dropped out of the presidential race? They did a colonoscopy and found out she had a brain tumor."

"Men at the supermarket are like fish in an aquarium. Silent, with no recollection of how or why they got there."

"Wife: how'd you get that burn on your arm?? Me (looking fabulous): not from your curling iron"

"Why are fish so educated? Because a lot of them are in schools."

"Why were people in the Twin Towers so upset? They ordered pepperoni but all they got was plane"

"Do you know why divorce is so expensive? Because its worth it!"

"Thieves broke into my house and stole everything except my soap. Dirty bastards."

"Those of you wondering what its like to be married: Just found out this morning I'm on day 3 of an argument I didn't know I was having..."

"Where do esport players go if they get arrested? Guantanamo ebay"