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Joke of the Day

"I was asked to be an Elvis impersonator for a kid's birthday party. I showed up drunk, shot the TV, then died on the toilet."

"What's an Israeli ghetto called? Palestine."

"I'm sexually attracted to biceps. Does that make me biceptual?"

"My girlfriend just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren't drying I swear to god..."

"My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I've never been more scared of a drink in all of my life."

"You smell like trash..... Can I take you out?"

"I just dropped my phone in the toilet and for a second I stood over it and thought, ""That's where it belongs."""

"What's the most annoying joke in the world?"

"There are 2 kinds of people in this world; 1. People who like math A. People who hate math 3. People who really don't understand math"

"I moved to LA with nothing but the shirt on my back. No pants & I couldn't figure out how to get the shirt on my front. Soon I was jailed"