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Joke of the Day
"What's white on the top and black on the bottom? Society."
Next Joke
"Where do otters come from? Otter space. [credit goes to Anne Carson, or wherever she heard it]"
"My wife said she wanted a divorce for Christmas. I told her I did not want to spend that much."
"My girlfriend complained about my obsession with spices. So I said, ""Bae, leave."""
"I had five hundred Kit Kats in my fridge and my mate had one in his. I pressured him into giving his to a homeless person. That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work."
"My wife was choking so I quickly googled ""how to save a life"" Was a good song to drown out the noise she was making."
"The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband."
"Always check the height of any nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders.... How I learned this is not important..."
"I thought air was free my whole life until I bought a bag of chips."
"No Shave November No Deodorant December Lose Your Job January Forget To Pay Rent February Move in With Mom and Dad March"