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Joke of the Day

"I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn't reach the cookies in the cupboard."

"If I wore these clothes yesterday but no one saw me in them, did I really wear them."

"My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed."

"Referees at the Lions-Seahawks Game"

"What`s the difference between a Doctors Without Borders hospital and ISIS? How would I know, I`m just a US Air Force Operator."

"Cost of the ice cream my kid threw a tantrum in the grocery store to get: $5 The look on his face when I ate it for dinner: priceless"

"[heaven's IT department] Ok, I see why your computer's crashing. Have you been closing doors again? God: Yes, why? Too many open windows"

"I made a Starbucks barista cry I put my name down as Dad and he stood there calling it over and over again with no reply."

"What is it called when buckets of paint conspire with each other? A colour scheme."

"A man in tights was found near a rock. What happened? Superman committed suicide."