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Joke of the Day

"Why black people are so good with basketball? They can shoot and steal without being arrested."

"Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement... ...in the end, you ignore it all and click ""I agree""."

"If you're drunk, you're 3 sheets to the wind... ...if you're stoned, are you three papers to the wind?"

"You know when you read a page of a book and then realize you didn't absorb any of it? I think I did that with my life."

"THERAPIST: how do you feel ME: with my hands THERAPIST: no, like on the inside ME: ohhh...idk probably kinda squishy and weird"

"How many James Pattersons does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but he'll just hire a ghostwriter to do it for him."

"Why do Jewish bachelors like latina women? Because they like to fool around with Chicsas before they marry. (A shiksa is a gentile woman)"

"How many communists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? In Soviet Russia, lightbulb screws YOU!"

"What's green and lays in a ditch while covered in cookie crumbs? The Girl Scout that got hit by a car."

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? You're hot but you make me really uncomfortable, sometimes my underwear gets sticky and I get burned"