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Joke of the Day

"Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement... ...in the end, you ignore it all and click ""I agree""."

"DOG: she keeps using heart emojis when we text DOG FRIEND: which color heart? DOG: *shows friend phone* the gray one DOG FRIEND: omg"

"Yay! The healthcare reform bill passed! Waitress, a round of celebratory abortions for all my friends!"

"What has a head, a tail, and no body? A coin!"

"Jesus loves you. But I'm his favorite."

"How many tickles does an octopus like? Ten-tickles"

"Went to the proctologist ... ended up with a ;"

"I would tell you a leech joke. . . But it would suck anyway"

"What type of grain uses profanity? Vulgar Wheat"

"I used the word ""procreate"" at work today... ... and a pregnant girl asked me what it meant."