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Joke of the Day

"Me: *grabs a donut from conference room* Incredible powerpoint, Greg ""Excuse me ma'am, do you work here?"" Me: *grabs another donut & runs*"

"What do tofu and dildos have in common? They serve as makeshift substitutes for people who have forsaken meat."

"As a cat burglar most of my late night break-ins are actually well orchestrated attempts to pet other peoples animals."

"What's white, but has a black asshole? The Whitehouse."

"CAT VAMPIRE: let me in! ME: ok CAT VAMPIRE: you fool! now I will suck your bl- ME: *closes door* CAT VAMPIRE: ... CAT VAMPIRE: let me out"

"Deja Moo I feel like I've heard this bull before..."

"Why did the man throw away all the new pennies he had? Because they were a nuisance (new cents)."

"What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About half way"

"Why can't Helen Keller drive a car? Because she's a woman."

"Me: I won't be in due to a VOLCANO Boss: ..we live, in Florida..? Me: IRRELEVANT Boss: Me: *opens 3rd bottle of vodka, puts on arm floaties*"