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Joke of the Day

"People drive like shit when I'm texting."

"It's not Wingardium Leviosa It's Wingardium Leviosah-Dude"

"I plan to watch some movie with girlfriend this evening. Can somebody recommend a girlfriend?"

"Going for a classy St. Patrick's Day this year. Anyone know of a good green wine?"

"What do you call a reckless thief who only steals cooking utensils? A whisk taker."

"Did you know that before James Gandolfini suggested the name ""The Sopranos,"" HBO had planned to call it ""The Lasagnas?"""

"If you watch the Harlem Shake backwards, it's a video about a guy who parties longer than everyone else."

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket filled with manure? The bucket"

"DATING TIP: Girls love sensitive guys. Loudly wince when she touches you. Re-apply sunblock 38 times. Bring up how often your gums bleed."

"Ideas are like kids Don't have them"