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Joke of the Day

"What is a pirates favorite letter? No, it's the C."

"I invented four new karate moves while trying to get an automatic paper towel dispenser to work."

"It's nice that friends keep picking up my kids for play dates. It'd be even nicer if they'd stop bringing them back home."

"So my wife just hit me with a ""mom joke"". She says, ""oh look, there's whiteout conditions in Washington D.C. I bet Will Smith is gonna boycott""!"

"man and his girlfriend Girlfriend : I longer fit in this dress. man: May be dress shrunk after washing it. Oh ,wait a minute , Jim is calling ."

"How do you kill a circus? You stab it in the juggler."

"My kids wouldn't stop asking me who my favorite is so I said the dog & now they're crying and I'm like THIS IS WHY THE DOG IS MY FAVORITE."

"Two snowmen are standing in a snowy field... And after 3 hours of complete silence, one turns to the other and asks ""Can you smell carrots?"""

"How do you get teh bee off the toilet? You piss it off."

"I had to put my dog down today. I'd been carrying her for a while."