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Joke of the Day

"Two snowmen are standing in a snowy field... And after 3 hours of complete silence, one turns to the other and asks ""Can you smell carrots?"""

"My girlfriend has twelve breasts. It seems kind of freaky, dozen-tit?"

"Spooning leads to forking But if you fork the wrong dish, you could get knifed."

"Everytime I play Monopoly I get this dad joke. http://imgur.com/bbMl41W"

"What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team? The guy would survive the first round."

"In my opinion guys should only us two fragrances of Old Spice deodorant... Fuji or Timber... but that's just my two scents."

"It's the first day of Autumn so let's make like Humpty Dumpty!! And have a great Fall!"

"Why did the vegan zombie visit the coma ward? Because it only ate vegetables."

"When writing a resume, it's much more valuable to say you are an expert at ""replicate and repurpose functionality"" than ""copy and paste."""

"He died doing what he loved; getting stabbed to death in a TJ Maxx."