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Joke of the Day

"Being politically correct sucks. I can't even say ""black paint"" anymore. Now I have to say, ""hey Jamal would you please go paint that fence over there?"""

"Spent an hour by my wife's grave God bless her soul, she thinks I'm digging a koi pond."

"What's a narcissist's favorite color? Reflection"

"2 people confessed to killing Russian opposition leader Boris Nemtsov"

"I thought my secret vasectomy would just keep my wife from getting pregnant, but sometimes...... ... it just changes the color of the baby."

"What did one pancake say to the others as it was tossed off the griddle into the air? See you on the flip side."

"Sometimes me and my brothers used to mess with grandpa. Once we asked him if he knew what a sex tape was. He nodded thoughtfully. 'Sex tapes? Sure, we have those, but your grandmother prefers cuffs.'"

"Are you a homeless horse? Because you look unstable."

"I thought I saw an octopus but it was just 8 eels kissing a butternut squash."

"Why are Aluminum Phosphate ions so bad at math? They have trouble forming solutions."