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Joke of the Day

"Did ya hear about the guy who got his hand caught in the printing press? He's in all the papers. ...Ba-dum bum"

"What bird is most likely to inspire a revolution? A pigeon... ""Coup, coup"""

"What do you call a two-legged-dog A puup"

"If Batman doesn't wear underwear with my picture all over them, then this relationship is as one-sided as I feared."

"What do Walruses and Tupperware have in common? They're both looking for a tight seal."

"Spent the last twenty minutes trying to get my sideburns even and now I'm sporting a mohawk."

""" So the boat was about to sink until I attached a sail to my boner and made it safely to shore"" Me if I was on the Titanic."

"Me: Read this tweet. Wife: Sure. Me: Is it racist? Wife: No. Me: Sexist? Wife: No. Me: Is it offensive at all? Wife: No. Me: *deletes tweet*"

"so this baby seal walks into a club... ...he got smashed."

"""Study: Child dies in portable pool every 5 days"" SOMEBODY HELP THAT DAMN KID"