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Joke of the Day

"Ever have one of those days where you just don't feel like being at work? I've been having one of those days for two fucking years now."

"Why was the boy unhappy to win the prize for the best costume at the Halloween party? Because he just came to pick up his little sister."

"In a parallel universe, cartoons are watching us and thinking ""how sad, they die if you drop an anvil on their heads..."""

"What do you find up a clean nose? Finger-prints."

"""Don't tell me how to raise my cat!,"" I yell at my 7 y/o daughter who's chastising me for baby birding a tuna sandwich into my cat's mouth"

"""If you like Google Glass, also try Bing Chewables."""

"What does Bill Cosby have in common with a Pokemon trainer? He makes sure his catch is weak before he throws his balls at them."

"TIL there are 45000 breatharians in the U.S. 44999, # 44998..."

"Breaking News ..... international womans day postsponed until tomorrow , as they haven't got anything to wear"

"Everyone is talking about how the inaugural attendance was 1/40 of what it was in 2009... They don't understand how killer the commute from Moscow is."