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Joke of the Day

"THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR... CLAUSTROPHOBIC MAN (runs into a phone booth) (runs out, crying) no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no n-"

"It's okay to smoke weed in the rain, but don't in hail"

"Doc: I'm afraid you got 6 months to live Me: Why are YOU afraid? Doc: I'm not Me: You said you were Doc: I lied. You got a month. HAPPY NOW?"

"I keep thinking diarrhoea is part of the family history. Because it's in my genes."

"What's the difference between a proclamation from the Vatican and a mail-order husband from ebay? One's a papal mandate and the other's a paypal man-date."

"I wish lap dance minutes felt like treadmill minutes."

"if you eat four pieces of pizza without separating them, it counts as just one. #dieting #fitness."

"The guy who invented folding chairs lovingly cares for his product which is a problem for his wife who has season tickets to pro wrestling"

"What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage."

"A deer, a skunk, and a duck went to the grocery store. When they were ready to check out, the deer didn't have a buck, the skunk didn't have a scent, so they put it all on the duck's bill."