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Joke of the Day

"Doc: I'm afraid you got 6 months to live Me: Why are YOU afraid? Doc: I'm not Me: You said you were Doc: I lied. You got a month. HAPPY NOW?"

"Still not sure if construction paper is used in construction."

"The first person to ride a horse was probably pretty fucking drunk."

"Give a man a match and he's warm for a day.... Set fire to a man and he's warm for the rest of his life."

"[Interview] CEO: Why do you think you'd be a good fit at our firm? GUY WHOSE DESCRIPTION IS SO LONG HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY GET TO SAY ANYTHING:"

"I'm the only stalker I know with OCD. After I break in to watch you sleep, I fold your laundry."

"Why is the ocean salty? Because the land doesn't wave back"

"Keystroke... not as sexy as it sounds"

"Boys are like bras.. They are cute and supportive until you use them too long and then they fall apart... ...also that's when the support ends"

"An alcoholic walks into a bar"