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Joke of the Day

"Doc: I'm afraid you got 6 months to live Me: Why are YOU afraid? Doc: I'm not Me: You said you were Doc: I lied. You got a month. HAPPY NOW?"

"Don't worry, the right someone is out there for everyone. You'll probably never find them, or fuck it up when you do, but they're out there."

"Dont' Wake the Baby by Elsie Cries"

"No matter how good your raspberry body wash smells, don't be tempted to drizzle it over your ice cream. I've been burping bubbles for days."

"When I smacked Dwayne Johnson's ass... I really hit Rock bottom."

"So Clinton won 6 out of 6 coin tosses in Iowa? I guess all the money really is behind her!"

"I'm sick of hearing about this World Class chef at Taco Bell. Chefs don't work at Taco Bell. Your weed dealer works at Taco Bell."

"Great news insomniacs! Only 12 sleeps til Christmas."

"Single guy ""I can't do anything right."" Married guy ""I can't do anything, right?"""

"It's truly amazing what Abraham Lincoln accomplished while wearing such a big stupid hat."