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Joke of the Day

"A woman is accused of attacking her husband with several of his guitars The Judge asked ""First time offender?"" She replied, ""No, first time a Gibson, then a Fender."""

"What's fat, sweaty, and bad at cooking? My ex wife!"

"Did you hear about the vampire who got married? He proposed to his girl-fiend."

"You excited to watch the Super Bowl? ""Ya, but only cuz the commercials."" [sounds of man being beaten to death with bowl of chips and dip]"

"Absinthe For when you'd love to wake up in the morning...naked on a raft in your neighbour's pool, but lack the motivation"

"Did you hear about the guy who got a Viagra stuck in his throat? He had a stiff neck for a week."

"A constipated man walks into the doctors office. The doctor tells him he's full of shit."

"What's the difference between a blue 7 and a red 4? 3, duh. (My ex's 9 year old little sister told me this joke, and followed is up with: ""and YOU'RE the math guy!"" >_< Burned.)"

"A man walks into a crowded bar brandishing a gun... The man yells out ""WHOS BEEN SLEEPING WITH MY WIFE???"" A few moments later, a man in the back yells back ""YOU DONT HAVE ENOUGH BULLETS!""."

"Note to self: don't set your password reminder as ""you should know this"""