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Joke of the Day

"Read in a Forrest Gump voice. My mother always told me life is like a jar of jelly beans.Everbody hates the black ones. (I know this is a terrible joke, my friend told it to me."

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"What do women and dog shit have in common? The older they get, the easier they are to pick up"
"Why did the fisherman want to go fishing in Alaska? Just for the halibut."
"To be fair, ""old-fashioned"" doesn't necessarily mean racist; it could also mean sexist."
"What's the difference between a condom and the space-time continuum? There wasn't a hole in my dad's space-time continuum."
"Where did the crab work inside her new job at the pizza factory? At the crust station."
"Yesterday I met my ex-girlfriend's son and told him about how I once auditioned to be his father."
"Why Do Scottish people wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper go down a mile away."
"An electrician walks into intensive care and yells: Hold your breaths, I am about to start replacing circuit breakers'"
"Boss: OMFG man what happened to ur eye? [cut to me riding a horse into the garage door during medieval role play] ""I ran into a door"""