44123

Joke of the Day

"*puts on shirt* *shirt rips because of my muscles* *gets yelled at for ruining 5yo's shirt*"

"I tried to convert to Judaism, but they rejected me when they found out I was uncircumcised. I guess I just didn't make the cut."

"Why does VALVE end with 2? Because they can't count to **3**"

"What do chemists make guacamole out of? Avogadros"

"You want to know the problem with cocaine? It's not all it's cracked up to be."

"Trump Says Immigrants take Jobs Americans Refuse to take. Like being his wife."

"My grandad has the heart of a lion... ...and a lifetime ban from the Edinburgh zoo"

"Why are there so few professional pedophiles? Most of them prefer playing in the minors."

"Ok gas pump, enough! Credit or debit? Zip code? Reward Card? Car Wash? Receipt? What octane? It takes less buttons to launch a nuke!"

"I'm like a reverse MacGyver. I can take a perfectly working item, step on it drunk, then turn it into dozens of unusable, meaningless parts."