441

Joke of the Day

"[wife looking at pictures of my dead body with police] ""why isn't he wearing a shirt"" we believe he removed it when he challenged the coyote"

"What's the difference between a violin and a viola? A viola burns longer."

"Petting my dog with a spatula cause I'm too lazy to reach and he is too lazy to move closer Why is there a spatula in my room?"

"yeah girl.. shake that thing where poop comes out of. it really turns me on when your poop factory shakes faster than usual"

"I've been clean for 47 days I'm taking daily baths but it's okay because I've been using heroin to cope."

"I am not schizophrenic doctor We're just fine......"

"Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most? ""Rude""olph"

"How do you stop a monster from smelling? Cut off his nose."

"How does a Muslim close the door? Islams it."

"Gas is under $2 a gallon and Suge just killed a guy... Looks like the '90's are back!!"