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Joke of the Day

"How do you stop a monster from smelling? Cut off his nose."

"What if you told a lie to cover up your affair, and the lie was so good that 2000 years later people were still giving each other presents?"

"DATING TIP: IF YOU EAT A MAGNET AND SLIP ANOTHER MAGNET INTO YOUR DATE'S DINNER SHE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO LEAVE YOU"

"What's white, but has a black asshole? The Whitehouse."

"Why couldn't they show the orchestra concert on TV? There was too much sax and violins."

"How many babies does it take to paint a wall? [NSFW? ] It depends on how hard you throw them."

"Pretty upset to find out that salmonella poisoning has nothing to do with a vindictive fish named Ella."

"Having kids isn't that bad, just don't have like the really young ones."

"What do a 14 year old and an open bucket of bleach have in common? For twenty bucks either'll take care of your toddler. -&y (yup, mine)"

"The fish's piano was making weird noises. Guess it was out of tuna."