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Joke of the Day

"I've been clean for 47 days I'm taking daily baths but it's okay because I've been using heroin to cope."

"What do you call a redneck virgin? A 13 year old girl who runs faster than her older brothers"

"Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippy? Because he was too far out, man."

"Miley Cyrus is a strictly american phenomenon... most everywhere else in the world, she'd be Kilometery Cyrus"

"Caitlyn Jenner, Republican So it turns out Caitlyn Jenner is a Republican! A member of the very party that discriminates against people like her! Can you believe the balls on that woman???"

"Did you hear about the skeleton that couldn't go to the party? He had no body to go with!"

"I'm old school in the sense that I always put women and children first. I mean, there could be spiderwebs."

"The label of this bag of roasted peanuts includes a warning that they come from a plant that processes peanuts"

"Him: You'll always be the one that got away. Me: Escaped. Him: What? Me: I said Thanks."

"My husband said I was passive aggressive so I punched him in the face and said well, you're half right."