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Joke of the Day

"Me: when is the pizza ready? Dad: will you wait! Me: I DID MY WAITING Dad: oh god no Me: TWELVE YEARS Dad: not again Me: IN AZKABAN"

"Why did the chicken fall into the well? Because she couldn't see that well."

"My kid spilled milk in the back of my car last week ... Now I tell people it has a stinky dairy-air."

"What will they play at the presidential inauguration if Republicans win? Trump-ets I'll see myself out"

"""This is the fourth lot of bacon to go missing this week. It can only mean one thing."" ""What's that Sarge?"" ""Someone's building a pig."""

"What does Bill Clinton say to Hillary after sex? I'll be home in 20 minutes."

"A Greek, an Irishman and a Portuguese spend the evening drinking in a bar. Who picks up the tab? The German."

"I'm told I sleep like a baby. ... I wake up crying every few hours"

"Circumcision and Manners Why did they used to circumcise the penis? Because in the good old days, you took off your hat when you were in the presence of a lady."

"*looks gift horse in the mouth Gift Horse: Hey, my eyes are up here."