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Joke of the Day

"""This is the fourth lot of bacon to go missing this week. It can only mean one thing."" ""What's that Sarge?"" ""Someone's building a pig."""

"If it helps, a lot of the awful ones are either married or gay, too."

"Remember when President-Elect Trump said immigrants were going to take our jobs? It's all true! Just ask Michelle Obama!"

"My wife once told me "" Mike you're the only man who ever gave me multiple orgasms"", which pissed me off because my names not Mike"

"I'm ""whenever my mother calls, I think it's because someone's dead"" years old."

"After sex, I take the condom off and make a balloon animal for the lady."

"What's the similarity between a dog and a bulldozer? Neither one is a squirrel."

"Walk into a random building, go to a random floor, step into a random meeting, and take a donut. Best donut you'll ever eat."

"Reception Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent."

"Where do twin lesbians party? Klondike Bar"