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Joke of the Day

"Todays stats: My 3yr old got pissed off with me because I couldn't stop the wind."

"My friend really likes to have sex with people. I guess it's the teenage whoremones."

"Damn girl are you Jewish! Cuz these balls are matzoh."

"Will I ever be a good parent? *shakes baby* Wait a minute, if you're here [cut to Magic 8-Ball in crib]"

"Rey should really make herself a new lightsaber. The one she has now has 100% hand loss rate. \\\_()_/ "

"I made a model aircraft. I wanted it to be an unpainted smooth finish wooden aircraft. So I made a plain planed plane plane."

"Her: Oh no, I've lost my jacket.. Me: *appears from the shadows* (whispers) you left it at the restaurant *slinks back into the shadows*"

"Did you hear about that geeky trigonometry expert? The only angle lacking in his life was secs."

"Toilet humor Why was the toilet scared? Because shit was about to go down!"

"""slippery when wet"" signs should be on everything."