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Joke of the Day

"Diet, Day 14: I hate everyone. My children are scared of me & I've repelled everyone else. But I'm starting to really like pears."

"I'm going to start a blog for irrational numbers... I think I'll call it the 3.1 forums..."

"I wish my ears would visibly lay back like a cats when I'm pissed off so people would know when to leave me the hell alone."

"*presses wheelchair accessible button* *rolls 5 year old in on dolly restrained like Hannibal Lector* ""We're here for a haircut."""

"People who say ""no regrets"" just have too many regrets to keep track of."

"The first rule of Yacht Club is you need a membership and a boat."

"There was a kidnapping in my neighborhood today... So i woke him up."

"I've clicked on every shady ad that I've seen for the past 12 years. My penis is now 648 feet long."

"Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus"

"God came to earth to look for robbers who worshipped him ... But found most of them atheist."