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Joke of the Day

"Why do I have to steal the Death Star plans? Nothing this big stays secret. Just Google them. There's probably a torrent somewhere."

"Have you guys heard about that singer that does radical maneuvers while performing? Skate Perry"

"Not sure what my dog thinks I do all day, but based on her excitement when I get home she apparently lives in constant fear I'll be murdered"

"A flock of dads is called a grill."

"If asked 'Whats up?' respond 'An animated film about the journey of a boy & an old man' then wink & fly away carried by hundreds of balloons"

"What do you call your whore mother? NASS"

"What if your pillow could collect your dreams and when you wake up, You could plug it into your computer And watch them over again."

"Me: Have you ever heard of the movie ""Constipation""? You: Um.. no Me: Thats because it hasn't come out yet!! lelelelelelelelelelelelololol"

"Welcome to twitter, where nobody uses their right to remain silent."

"I was going to make a joke about pepper but it was too insalting."