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Joke of the Day

"Today I've smoked 2 packs of cigs, eaten only deep-fried foods & took the seatbelts out of my truck. Free healthcare is going to be awesome."

"Why did the feminist get fired from Subway? Because she refused to make a sandwich"

"70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots."

"How many libertarians? How many libertarians does it take to screw in a light-bulb? None. The market will take care of it."

"""if i die young bury in me in starbucks lay me down on a bed of coffee beans"" the white girl writes in her will"

"So I was talking to Abrham Lincoln And I asked him, ""what are you doing tonight?"". He said, ""My wife's dragging me to a play somebody please kill me."""

"""Inside Amy Schumer"" is funny... As it's a show I never wish to watch, and a place I never wish to be."

"Science is tricky. Keeps you on your toes. Mineralogy? Study of minerals. Oceanology? Study of oceans. Meteorology? NOT ABOUT METEORS."

"What do you call a lesbian with long fingers? Well-hung."

"President Lincoln ""I'm going to miss you, President Lincoln,"" said John Wilkes Booth. Booth lied. He didn't."