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Joke of the Day

"President Lincoln ""I'm going to miss you, President Lincoln,"" said John Wilkes Booth. Booth lied. He didn't."

Next Joke
 
"New Knock-Knock joke? Child: Knock Knock Grandmother: Who's there? Child: [Insert Name] Grandmother: [Insert Name] who? Child: Oh no! You have Alzheimer's! Yes? No?"
"What do a thong bikini and Donald's Trump's hair have in common. They both barely cover the asshole. (gota give Seth Myer credit for this one)."
"Seven Bar Jokes Involving Grammar and Punctuation http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/seven-bar-jokes-involving-grammar-and-punctuation"
"Girl, are you an umbrella? Because you're never with me when I need you & I've forgotten you at a restaurant 4 or 5 times."
"The talk -Dad, am I adopted? -Not yet, we still haven't found anyone who wants you"
"How many Mexicans does it take to... ...Oh shit, they're done"
"The philosopher says the glass is half empty, the optimist says the glass is half full.... The sjw says the glass is half-fluid."
"Relationship Status: Even my alarm clock stops responding to me after I bang it"
"""Man I hate tacos!"" Said no Juan ever."
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