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Joke of the Day

"""Inside Amy Schumer"" is funny... As it's a show I never wish to watch, and a place I never wish to be."

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"[zombie apocalypse] *my girlfriend becomes zombie* More like zom-BAE! Haha hang on I have to tweet that. *is eaten right away*"
"My 4 year old loves wrestling with the family. He's Hulk Hogan, I'm The Rock and our 1 year old is the folding chair."
"How do construction workers party? they raise the roof."
"Instead of ""Juicy"" I have ""May contain gas"" written on the back of my shorts."
"...and the bartender says, ""sorry. We don't serve time travellers."" http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3lsvu6/a_time_traveller_walks_into_a_bar/"
"My body is a temple, please leave pizza and tacos at the altar."
"[Game of Thrones] How do Littlefinger's prostitutes get in & out of the brothel? Hodor."
"What does a gay orgy sound like? A cockophony."
"something we all think is funny. Everybody thinks a pussy fart is funny, right?"