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Joke of the Day

"Dingo: The dingo community is known for many other things TV Host: What are cooking for us today? Dingo: I'm making my famous baby coleslaw"

"My boyfriend wants to do it like three times a week-----together. He's so demanding!"

"My wife is fucking awesome. Although usually I prefer to go by Steven."

"I was beaten to a lead role in a film, and have planned to get my revenge with Matt Damon ever since. I'll make him wish he'd never been Bourne."

"Carl: ""It's chilly out."" Me: ""Tell me something I don't know."" ""Two dogs were hanged during the Salem witch trials."" ""Fair enough, Carl."""

"Hey guys, trust me on this one, tweets aren't nearly as funny when they're being read aloud in a courtroom."

"Who's the coolest guy in the hospital? *The ultrasound guy.* Who's the coolest guy in the hospital when the ultrasound guy's off? *The hip replacement guy.*"

"I like the word funfetti because it takes confetti, which is used in somber occasions, like funerals, and it repurposes it for fun"

"What do you call a New Zealander with a sheep under each arm? A pimp."

"It's funny how red, white, and blue represent freedom Until they're flashing behind you"