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Joke of the Day

"Before you decide to spend less time on social media, make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone."

"Our office couldn't afford a paper shredder so we just have a room with a pissed off badger in it that we toss documents we don't need into"

"My wife informs me that today our 2YO daughter said, ""fart,"" and laughed uproariously. Three times. So, yeah. That one's mine."

"Trojan's next commercial should just be a guy saying ""See?"" while pointing at my kids when they're fighting over a cookie."

"I like my coffee like I like my women. Without a penis."

"How are condoms like cameras? They capture your special moments."

"What kind of fish loves to fix instruments? A tuna."

"I had the left side of my body cut off... But I'm all right. EDIT: I just realize that whether the left was cut from the right or the right from the left is a matter of sincere argument."

"Why do people say ""fat people are lazy""? Fat people get themselves food, I'm skinny because I'm too lazy to get myself food."

"I know a guy who loves mushrooms.. ...He's a real fun guy!"