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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? You don't cry when you chop up a hooker."

"My least favorite branch of the military is the Girl Scouts, they can't fight for shit."

"Husband: ""I have good news and bad news"" Wife: ""Tell me the bad news first."" Husband: ""The washing machine broke."" Wife: ""And the good news?"" Husband: ""The dogs are clean."""

"pirate joke I saw a pirate walking down the street and he had a paper towel on his head so I said ""what's with the paper towel."" he said ""arrgh got a Bounty on me head."""

"What do you do when your nose goes on strike? Pick it! (Picket)"

"I swallowed my keys It's a pain in the ass getting in and out of the doors."

"Why do people like Trump over Obama? Because Orange is the new Black"

"What do I get when I raise up a platform to play Mozart? Amadeus on my dais."

"Just a heads up guys, M. Night Shyamalan dug a hole in my backyard and has been filming Mark Wahlberg yelling at it for 6 months now."

"a bear and a rabbit are shitting in the woods The bear asks the rabbit if he has problems with shit sticking to his fur. The rabbit replies, ""no why?"" The bear then wipes his ass with the rabbit."