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Joke of the Day

"My least favorite branch of the military is the Girl Scouts, they can't fight for shit."

"Me: You bought 6 bottles of carpet cleaning solution? Wife: Yes. Me: We have hard wood floors. Wife: I had a coupon that was expiring today!"

"What do you call a legend of Zelda fan theory? Head Ganon"

"We put a rover on Mars and made color changin' beer cans. It's about time somebody invents a day to stick between Sunday and Monday. Merica."

"At first I didn't like my new haircut but it slowly grew on me."

"its all fun and games till someone gets hurt... then its hilarious"

"Why was Ohm the Empire's best scout? He discovered the resistance"

"The most common type of web developers are not even human they are spiders"

"[pulls away from kissing] do you ever pretend nfl players with dreadlocks swinging around under their helmets are predators"

"My son asked today: Why the dude's ear is blinking blue? Because he has a blue tooth in his ear..."