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Joke of the Day

"Shall I tell you the joke about the kidnappers? I'd better not. You might get carried away."

"When I was a child I could go into a shop with just a pound, and come out with 3 bars of chocolate, 2 cans of coke and a magazine. But these days, fucking CCTV everywhere."

"[I open my lunchbox to find pair of wife's underwear] But that means... [Cut to my wife opening her lunchbox to find a pair of my underwear]"

"If everyone would stop screaming, I'm sure we'd all agree I'm not supposed to be in this women's restroom."

"I don't have a vagina, but I'm pretty sure sex feels a lot like cleaning your ear out with a Q-tip."

"The Bermuda Triangle A.K.A.... Clinton's Inbox"

"Ten words, two commas, a punctuation mark and a full stop all appeared in court yesterday. They're due to be sentenced next week."

"Patient just told me a joke yesterday When you are driving though the field in Texas, you see a lot of cattle. They are very special. Wanna know why? They are out standing in the field"

"Why did the masseuse give her lawyer a happy ending? She thought he could come in handy. (I'll let myself out)"

"What's today's date? 10-4 Good Buddy!"