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Joke of the Day

"Skydiving without a parachute... Is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I heard this on a spotify ad and it cracked me up. I thought I'd share it.:) Edit: fixed an auto correct mistake"

"Why doesn't Chelsea Clinton have a brother or sister? Monica Lewinsky swallowed them."

"Cop cars aren't very intimidating. Add a crazy plow covered in blood, an anarchy symbol and spinning saw blades and I'll stop in a heartbeat"

"Michael Phelps & I have a combined 19 gold medals & 4 DUI's."

"How many /r/news mods does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I don't know, but it only takes one to get it [removed]"

"Why didn't the pretty woman walk down the street? Quadraplegic, terrible car crash ...but she still suck dick for money!"

"Did you hear about the twins with a fruit fetish? (May be NSFW) They came in pears"

"start out every morning with positive thoughts then put them in a pile and light them on fire to speed shit up"

"1. Bang knee on table - curse life. 2. Check credit card balance. 3. Think back to sweet moment when you banged knee on table."

"Really hope autocorrect altered that last text because if not my mom's taking my little brother to a Christian rape concert tonight."