126840

Joke of the Day

"Cop cars aren't very intimidating. Add a crazy plow covered in blood, an anarchy symbol and spinning saw blades and I'll stop in a heartbeat"

"What did the Ukrainian Scientist receive after discovering the dangers of radiation? A Chernobel Prize."

"As a kid i looked up to Bill Nye the science guy, but as of today after learning about him i will probably look down on him. And people at my level would agree. I'm 6'3 and he is 6 feet tall."

"How much do cosmetics sell for? Face value."

"14yo: My voice keeps randomly changing DOCTOR: That's normal at your age 14yo: [Batman voice] Thank you doctor DOCTOR: That's not normal"

"On Canadian twitter they should give us 148 characters. We have extra U's in words like colour & the ""eh"" we need to add at the end."

"What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist? One looks up your family tree, the other looks up your family bush."

"Oh look what the cat dragged in [cat drags in dead body] Cat: quick we need 20lbs of lye and two shovels"

"You can get a tiny tablecloth for a DOLLHOUSE from Pottery Barn for $18.99, or I could just come over and punch you in the face for free?"

"Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to the party? He's a party pooper!"