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Joke of the Day

"Michael Phelps & I have a combined 19 gold medals & 4 DUI's."

"Instead of laughing my ass off, I'm going to start laughing my stomach off. I'd rather lose that."

"""i feel bad for homeless people, BUT"" 9 times out of 10 nothing good comes after this"

"What is Trump's favorite disney movie? Wall-E"

"The only way for America to not fuck up in the next election. Vote for Bill Clinton. Left the nation with national Surplus, and he got his dick sucked doing it."

"I can't see very well in the dark but on the bright side, I see just fine."

"When I'm out with my kids and I see an x-boyfriend I like to scare him by saying ""Don't make eye contact with daddy."""

"Whoever said ""only the good die young"" was probably in Chuck Norris's kindergarten class."

"Is it just a coincidence that you turn purple when you choke? skol"

"Here's a joke! Obamacare.... I can't afford it.... fml"