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Joke of the Day

"[Bank] COP: [through megaphone] LET ONE OF THE HOSTAGES GO ROBBER: Okay, who wants out? ME: [spinning on bosses chair] I'm comfortable."

"How many Metropolitan Police does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just beat the room for being black."

"""Laughter is the best medicine"" -doctor who failed med school"

"What do Abraham Lincoln and an '80s sitcom have in common? Both were shot before a live audience."

"gonna give my zombie friend several different brains for his deathday. Took a while to get the shopping done. Finally got some presents of mind."

"What is the internet's predominant religion? Cat-holic-ism. Meow!"

"Just unfollowed a bunch of people funnier than me. Now my tweets seem, you know, funnier. Tomorrow I unfollow all the good-looking people."

"I've always wanted to drown my troubles But I can never get my wife to go swimming"

"-911 Whats the emergency? My wife is suffocating me -Literally or figuratively sir? Well thats a stupid question. How would I be talking?"

"Happy new year!! Brrrrrr it's cold outside... It has to be the coldest day of the year!!!"