127274

Joke of the Day

"-911 Whats the emergency? My wife is suffocating me -Literally or figuratively sir? Well thats a stupid question. How would I be talking?"

"We would have discovered the cure for cancer by now if we rewarded, recognized and respected our scientists just as much as we do our sportsmen and celebrities."

"Q: Why did the Mummy go to the bathroom? A: To wrap itself in toilet paper!"

"What do you call a legless man at the beach during high tide? Fucked."

"Which came first. . . social media or dumb people? AND which is worse. . . the overdoing of selfies OR not knowing how to use the English language?"

"Want to hear a joke? Donald Trump. Oh wait it's not funny anymore."

"How do you make a cat bark? Drench it with gasoline, drop a lighted match on it... Woof!"

"If you want to drink and drive you better bring enough for the whole highway."

"Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is ready to accept that it needs help."

"What is the cheapest type of meat? Deer balls. They're under a buck."