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Joke of the Day
"Today my brother got pinkeye... My day went pretty well, but in his eyes it was pretty shitty."
Next Joke
"When you want to marry a beautiful, a smart and a rich woman marry three times."
"Darling, will you catch me if I jump into the water?' Darling, if I say yes, will you jump?"
"""I want my country back"" is a fair and accurate thing to say if at one point in your life you owned the country."
"All of my tattoos mean something. For example, the Chumbawamba lyrics on my rib cage mean I don't drink tequila anymore."
"Iran is 3 billion dollars short of hiding a Nuclear program What can they do to get the money?"
"Q: How do you know when a liberal is really dead? A: His heart stops bleeding."
"A single sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it. That means a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1,587.5TB."
"I spent the last hour molding a little man out of Starbursts and now I have to explain to him about death."
"Hot tip: Apparently it's frowned upon to make the sound effect tssst when being blessed by a priest"