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Joke of the Day

"*writes employment history on arm *writes professional references on thigh *writes email address on neck *adds ""resume"" to resume"

"Why is Dr. Frankenstein never lonely? He's good at making friends."

"Judge:""Since we can't prove who's baby it is we will ... cut the baby in half Worm Mom 1:""Sure Worm Mom 2 :""Ya do it."

"[God creating me] And then we sprinkle in just a touch of anxiety [the lid pops off and the whole jar spills in] [God shrugs] He'll be fine"

"Q: How is a penis like fishing? A: The small ones you throw back the medium ones you eat and the larger ones you mount."

"People come up to me all the time in the street and they say to me, they say, ""Joe, what's the difference between Hag Shavuot and Hag Ha-Katzir?"" And I say to them, I say, ""Oh, about fifty bucks."""

"Guys, leave 3 notes scattered around ur house for ur girlfriend that say ""Will"", ""you"", & ""me."" That'll keep her busy while u watch sports."

"The U.S. Army developed a pizza that stays good for 3 years. Finally, those billions in military spending paid off. Your move, Al Qaeda."

"*knock knock* ""Who's there?"" *knock knock ""I said, 'Who's there?'"" *knock knock ""......Hello?"" ......*doorknob jiggles ""The fuck?!"""

"I've spent the past few months looking for my ex-boyfriends' killer but no one will do it."