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Joke of the Day

"Morpheus: ""You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and--"" Me: ""Blue pill."""

"I have a rare muscle disease that causes my hands to write racist things that I don't remember later. The Doctor is calling it Ron Palsy"

"Me: How much should I spend on an engagement ring? Jeweler: 3 months salary on the stone. Me: *Duct tapes pile of Fruity Pebbles together."

"A guy is driving home thinking to himself.... if I was in a joke right now, what would the punch line be? Long story or short, he gets in a car accident and dies."

"How do you know if Helen Keller just masturbated? She spits when she talks."

"How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well apparently not eight cause my basement is still dark."

"""I'd like to make a large cash deposit"" teller: ok, how much do you have? ""Wow can't a guy just share his dreams without being pressured?"""

"A strange sense of humor. Surprisingly, but the long walks on the moor very breathtakingly."

"You may not like EVERY government agency... ...but you've really gotta hand it to the IRS."

"A Jewish kid asks his dad for 50 bucks. His dad says, ""40 dollars? What do you want 30 dollars for?"""