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Joke of the Day
"Not to brag, but I can cure my wife's insomnia just by taking my clothes off."
Next Joke
"What did one orphan say to the other? ""Get in the Batmobile Robin."""
"A man walks into a bell tower and shoots 16 people... America responds by restricting access to bell towers."
"[wife walks in on me showering] ""Why are you wearing swim trunks?"" No reason. [she glares at me] SO MY TEMPORARY TATTOOS DON'T COME OFF OKAY"
"Why did the punctuation mark have such an easy time going out with other punctuation marks? It was a comma dating."
"If asked 'Whats up?' respond 'An animated film about the journey of a boy & an old man' then wink & fly away carried by hundreds of balloons"
"I was going to write a novel but I may just print out all my tweets and dedicate it to my parents not loving me enough."
"Wanna hear a joke about unemployed people? Nevermind, they don't work."
"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but I dunno how they got in there."
"What did the trans-gender, pan-sexual, gender-fluid ogre say to the heterosexual male ogre? Shrek your privilege!"