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Joke of the Day
"I believe in ""you're stupid"" at first sight."
Next Joke
"(Dirty) What's good on a pizza but bad on a pussy? A thin layer of crust"
"My boss said when I'm at work, I should lay off the Doritos. I said ""you're the boss if you wanna fire Bob Dorito and his brother you do it"""
"I have my entire Valentine's day planned with my toaster! Okay, so first, we're going to take a bath."
"Dolls have given us an unrealistic image of women. For example, Russian women do not contain smaller Russian women inside them."
"Do you remember the name of the Italian/Vietnamese restaurant we went to? Yeah! It was great, how could I ""Pho-get-abouttit"""
"Failed my Politics exam. ""Describe the role that India plays in the modern world"". Apparently ""Tech Support"" is not the correct answer."
"Dreamed I won the lottery last night - $35 on a scratch ticket. Clearly I have a rich fantasy life lately."
"A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket. She says ""Oh great, some guy has my pen"""
"If this tweet gets 5 retweets, I will threaten a public official on Facebook."